I finally said exactly what I was thinking and it may have ruined everything. Do you ever have one of those nights where you’re laying in bed, mentally reliving a conversation, and kicking yourself for all the dumb things you wish you hadn’t said? That sums up how well I slept. I was supposed to have breakfast with the guys and then hang out. It wasn’t supposed to be awkward since I had already seen Eli twice post dating. We were cool. Or so I thought. When I got to breakfast Max had his girlfriend and little sister there, and then Aylssa Eli’s ex girlfriend was there too. It sparked a little jealousy inside me since I knew that he still had a thing for her. I try to listen to the advice others give me about if he doesn’t want to be with me then move on. Yes I understand, logically that makes sense. I’m not trying to get back together with him, I’m just not 100% over him so being in this situation was hard. So I planned on saying that I had plans afterwards to donate blood for class so that I wouldn’t have to hangout afterwards. Well guess what? Jacob and Eli decided we would all go donate blood together and then hangout. Everyone decided to do a scavenger hunt at this place called Stover’s, it’s like a real life narnia. There were 6 of us so we got split into teams of 2. I got paired with Aylssa. It ended up being fun and I saw why Eli liked her, she was funny, energetic, and witty. Dang I hate her, but I really like her. Ugh. Since things were going good I decided to join the bonfire at the guys house afterwards. I made the mistake of telling Jacob I had kissed someone else’s boyfriend. Harsh judgement followed, which traveled to everyone there. I blew it off and continued about the night. Soon it was just Jacob, Eli and I watching YouTube videos.
This is where things turned ugly. Jacob told me that Eli got beat up by some drunk chick. Eli showed me the scratch marks and started to tell the story about his friend who got drunk and attacked him. I was on his side, I hate girls who attack certain guys because they know they won’t fight back simply because they’re a gentleman. However when I heard this girl was married, and her husband was upstairs sleeping while Eli was downstairs taking care of his drunk wife who was attacking him then, crying and begging him not to leave… I voiced my opinion, I told him that it wasn’t cool for them to judge me for kissing someone who had a girlfriend when he is hanging out with a drunk married woman. Eli just looked at me and told me to get out of his house. He continued to say they had been friends for a long time, and it was hard enough without my input. Jacob changed the subject and then they turned on a movie. Completely dismissing the get out of my house statement. I sat there feeling so uncomfortable, I wanted to leave but I didn’t want them to know I was hurt. So instead I sat there for 20 minutes watching this movie like a dufus, pretending nothing just happened. The longer I sat there the harder I tried to hide the hurt. My face was heated, eyes filled with tears, my throat was swelling closed so I finally got to courage to grab my stuff and walk out. I didn’t say anything except to Jacob, which was, I’m leaving. Eli texted shortly afterwards.
Even with an apology I can’t see myself comfortable entering his home anymore. This is the end, I won’t be hanging out with them anymore. I can’t allow myself to be around people who hurt me. We can’t be friends.